‘Typical new mum, always on her arse’

So, early last night something happened that took me so completely by surprise that I have been thinking about it and dwelling on it ever since. I didn’t even mention it to Ryan because it pulled me so far inside my own head I had no idea how to verbalise it.

Yesterday evening Ryan and I stopped to get a takeaway on the way home from the beach.. Ryan wandered off with the toddler to watch the rain while we waited, and B started fussing for a feed. I looked around for somewhere to sit; mostly because B is around 11kgs and standing up to feed him is slightly less easy now, but also because I had a voice in the back of my head telling me that to stand and feed him would draw attention to us, and I could be perceived as someone that feeds in public just to be looked at.

Then it happened.

Two bogans (like the Aussie equivalent of chavs, for any English readers) walked past, and one said: ‘typical new mum, always on her arse’ and the other burst out laughing.

My initial thought was ‘meh, Bogan’.

Then I wondered if I would have responded had I been less tired or in a bad mood.

Then I wondered if he had a broken relationship and a kid he never saw, because he treated the mother that way.

Then I thought about my day, and how much of it I’d spent ‘sat on my arse’.

So for you, dear bogan; this is how my Wednesday went:

Get woken up by baby at 5am, try to convince him to lie down and go back to sleep

Put him on the floor for a play while I struggle to wake up

Pull him back into bed and try to convince him to lie down and go back to sleep

Give up and get up

Unload dishwasher, grind coffee, reload dishwasher, make breakfast

(Stopping to move crawling and standing baby away from danger 49ish times)..

Give kids toast, with a cooled boiled egg for baby, finish making coffee

Load washing machine and turn on laundry

Sit down to eat breakfast, get back up immediately because the boiled egg has somehow offended the baby and he is livid

Clean baby up and put him down to play

Sit back down

Get up to get the toddler a knife and fork because he ‘needs’ them for his toast

Drink cold coffee & eat cold breakfast one handed because baby now hates playing and is offended by toys

Clean high chair and toddler’s breakfast mess (one handed)

Shower (with baby)

Sit down to feed baby

Get up to hang laundry (one handed)

Go upstairs and get everybody dressed for the gym

Make it downstairs and remember to brush toddler’s teeth (go back upstairs)

Drive to gym and answer call about extending my Sunday shift while setting up the pram

Drop kids at creche, do yoga, collect kids, head home

Sit down to feed baby

Get changed and meet friend for coffee

Put kids in cafe playpen, sit down

Stand up for baby/toddler dramas, sit down

Repeat 73ish times

Bribe toddler to sit down with a cookie

Drink a bit of coffee

Sit down to feed baby

Walk around until baby falls asleep on me, take toddler to another play area and sit with baby still asleep on me

Head home, meet partner & remember we promised to take toddler to the beach

get ready for the beach

Stop for a beer at the rsl (bribe toddler to sit with juice) sit down and continually pass baby between us so we can have our half pint without him smacking the glass from our hands

Play on the beach

Head home

Stop off and order takeaway because the toddler is overtired and we have no chance of cooking before meltdown

Sit down outside to feed baby, overhear bogan say ‘typical new mum, always sitting on her arse’

Think about this while giving baby dinner, eating dinner on my feet, cleaning up toys, cleaning up baby-dinner, vacuuming, showering, cleaning kitchen, folding laundry, dressing baby for bed and then sitting down to feed baby/write this.

I sat down four times to drive, four times to feed the baby, once to hold the baby while he slept and attempted to sit another 397 times, but because of the kids they actually were more like squats than actual ‘sits’.

Yep. Typical new mum. Always on her arse.

2 thoughts on “‘Typical new mum, always on her arse’

  1. Cass says:

    Wow. I can’t believe someone would make such an asinine comment like that! But I guess look at the positive – it gave you some inspiration to write? 🙂 Great blog!


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