I don’t really understand this week, so I gave up thinking about it.

N’s daycare days got shifted around as we are flying to Melbourne for a wedding tomorrow, the weather has been all over the place, and I’m just generally disorientated. My brain feels like cotton wool and I have been procrastinating on top of avoiding, above some old fashioned ignoring.

On Monday I put N into daycare and went to the local shopping centre. While I was there I bumped into someone I knew, out with 3 (beautiful) kids under 4. I made an offhand comment about her bravery (as it takes a lot of mental preparation for me to go anywhere with my 2 without backup). A random lady then took it upon herself to talk over us, looking at baby B, then to me, firmly saying ‘there’s really no issue if you actually train them while they’re little’.

I’m sorry but, what?

Who are you and why are you talking over us? Have you met my kid? Do you have any idea how old he is? Are you seriously suggesting that small children are obedient and well behaved as long as you ‘actually train them’?

(Let me just add here that I may have already been fairly sensitive after a night of no sleep)

I looked at her, with fairly solid ‘f-off’ eyes, and went: ‘HAHAHAH!’ before resuming my conversation.

The younger chick she was with started saying something along the lines of ‘I don’t even try it, either, (kid’s name) just runs off’, and I tried to forget her existence.

I’m a bit over it, to be honest.

I know there are times my opinion is disagreed with (just ask my darling partner), but I’d like to think I don’t just blurt it out at people that haven’t asked for it whatsoever? Like, at least I’m involved in the conversation first, right?

Right?

Anyway, I have 5 assessments to do (again, procrastinating on top of avoiding, above some old fashioned ignoring) and one is to write a poem, so I channelled my inner rage and made it rhyme a bit, and the result is below, so please enjoy.

Or don’t, whatever; it’s your life.

 

I didn’t ask for your advice (but you gave it anyway)

I was talking with an acquaintance, unaware of your existence

When you threw in some parenting tips

I did not request your input on how I should parent my kids.

Please do not tell me how to ‘train’ him; to ‘eliminate resistance’

You’ve never met my child

(he wasn’t there, and he’s not a dog)

I think toddlers push their boundaries; it’s not always about persistence.

.

I understand that you were trying to help

Probably

Somewhere, deep down

But you were speaking out of turn

My only response was to frown.

.

I didn’t request a lecture, while waiting for the doctor

On the reasons we vaccinate

All the dangers, the potential horror

The hope to eliminate

.

I had told you we were there for that

Yet you took it upon yourself

To impart your impeccable wisdom

And ramble about ‘pack health’

.

I understand that you were trying to help

Probably

Deep down inside

But you were offensive and unnecessary

I was polite – I felt obliged.

 .

When you repeatedly tell us

To do it ‘this way’ or ‘that’

To not spoil, to not pander;

To not immediately react

.

You assume we want the same outcome you had

You ignore the pitfalls; the bad.

.

There are so many reasons we differ

Many variables at play;

The economy, research

even weather

Could be among the reasons for change.

.

I understand that you’re trying to help

Probably

Deep down

But I can see those outcomes

I’m avoiding them

I’m allowed.

 .

Perhaps we do know better now

Perhaps our children are different

‘They turned out fine’ is not justification,

and it’s subjective; your opinion

.

Perhaps we see the dangers now

Perhaps we are just belligerent

.

And perhaps you really are blind to fault

To mistakes made long ago

Or perhaps you are in fact quite perfect

And it is I that refuses to know

.

I do understand; you’re just trying to help

Probably

Deep down

But at some point we must make our own mistakes

You made yours

It’s our turn now.

I have an idea that I should write a blog post at least once every two weeks, probably so that I don’t lose momentum and grind to a halt; but this week it is so, so hard.

Last Friday I took a bit of a ‘mental health day’. The day before, Ryan had taken a day off work (for basically the first time ever), N was at daycare, and we went to Brisbane for the day.

It was a shitshow.

We went for breakfast (again, something we never ever do) and Nate basically ate a teaspoon of vegemite, before smearing whatever was left all over himself. He then got too distracted by the play area and forgot to let us know he needed the toilet, and he left for daycare, post-clothes change and mid-tantrum.

We eventually made it to Brissy, against the will of our four-month old, and then my phone rang.

N had vomited all over the floor, and told daycare that he had been to the doctor.

He had.. two months before.

For his brother’s check-up.

I then had to explain that we were well over an hour away, he had not been unwell, and perhaps it was the teaspoon of vegemite he managed to eat for breakfast.

We did what we had to do in Brissy and came straight back.

So, on Friday I woke up feeling totally disheartened and unmotivated. I went for a walk, followed by a coffee and another walk with a friend, and a complete day of ignoring my study/blog/responsibilities/life.

Fast forward a week and I have been super productive.. I have been accepted to work as a story reviewer and submitted my first two reviews, I studied a bit, agreed to a good, regular swim teaching shift beginning next month, exercised twice and covered a swim teaching shift (my first since bub came along – both kids and Ryan survived), so surely writing a blog will be easy, right?

The problem is, I am so, so torn.

I am torn between focussing on my immediate world, or the entire world.

I am torn between looking for positivity, and seeing negativity.

I am torn between understanding, and outrage.

I am torn between acceptance and defiance.

I am torn between feeling as though now is the time to speak out, or feeling as though now is the time to listen.

To really, really listen.

I also feel as though if I actually began to explain my feelings about the US election, I would never stop. It would spread into everything, and I would probably manage to offend many, many people.

I don’t think we need any more division. I know I definitely don’t.

So I’m sorry for the non-post. For the words with no direction. For the non-explanation and the not-very-interesting; I just needed to fulfil a personal promise.

Be kind. Be kinder than you have to be.. to everyone, and to yourself.

I think we all need it.