(How I squashed my ‘overwhelm’ and started the best day with a stolen avocado)
Last week I hit a wall.. and then I fell down, hit the ground and rolled until I reached the edge and free-fell off that, too.
Basically there was a lot of feeling low and out of control.
It was shit.
Baby was getting 5 teeth at once (because why not), he was also in ‘leap 8’ (aka a clingy AF phase in his development aka some sort of baby-life crisis), I had a court application to produce against our old real estate managers, and daycare was closed on my one kid-free day.
I was done.
I said: ‘I’m done’.
I said ‘I’m done’ a lot. So obvs my partner went out twice that week and left me alone with the offspring, and I broke.
There was a lot of yelling and some tears.. then a lot of stone-cold silence, before, finally, a decision was made:
I’m going to have to claim some life back.
On Monday I went to the gym and then we had a huge playdate with a friend (read: nate had a playdate while I offloaded all my anger to a friend).
On Tuesday we had swimming, gym, and then I went to the cinema (like a grown up) with the same friend, and with no children. Also cake.
On wednesday I swam, and then had yet another huge playdate (talk) with another friend.
On Thursday kid 1 had daycare, kid 2 went to creche while I swam, and then we shopped. Babykid even slept while I spent about 40 minutes in a glorious shop filled with stationery, browsing and taking my time with their sale.
And then there was today. Lovely, lovely today.
Ryan took the kids to daycare while I made smashed avo on toast.
The avo used may or may not have been procured by my 3 year old while we visited Australia Zoo.
The kangaroo-petting area of Aussie Zoo may or may not be home to many great avocado trees.
I may or may not have had one of Steve Irwin’s avos for breakfast today.
Then a friend came over for a coffee and she completely convinced Ryan I needed some money for a new swimming costume. (Okay but I really did, because mine did NOT keep things in place while I swam backstroke).
After a lot of discussion and browsing, we found the most beautiful costume in a moment that genuinely resembled finding ‘the’ dress.
‘You guys, I think we’ve got it’
‘Really? Can we see?!’
‘What do you think?’
‘Yes! That’s it! That’s the one!’ (Cue tears and dancing etc etc)*
After our swim I went and got my nails done with a friend from work. (Also got a bit laughed at by the lady doing my nails because I haven’t had them done before and I was being socially awkward but whatever.)
Then I picked the babiest one up and we had the cutest baby playdate with cute baby cuddles and baby hide and seek..
And then it was now and I am so chilled and content that I feel like I am completely in the middle of being ‘whelmed’.
It is so bloody hard to accept that we need to take some time for ourselves. It is so hard to accept that we can’t actually always do it all and put everyone else first and not stop and breathe and replenish.
I’ve really just had 5 beautiful, indulgent days.. but my kids haven’t suffered for it at all. I’m happy and so are they.. Ryan is happy cos I’m not a raging stresshead. The boys have had big plays, and are pretty oblivious to anything else..
But I know it’s not just me that feels too guilty to ask for this stuff. I mean, I definitely don’t need all this indulgence every week; I certainly don’t need weekly nail appointments, and I definitely need to study, rather than go to the cinema; but I also need a break every now and then before I spontaneously combust, explode and freefall, taking everyone around me along for the ride.
I’m off to eat some coconut icecream now. Hope you get some time for you.
*reaction may be slightly exaggerated